Another Sunday

Amazing, isn’t it? How an entire week can go by, when you’re busy, busy, busy every day. Yet nothing really gets accomplished.

Yep, this week was one of those.

I spent most of every day this week still trying to find work. Filling out online applications (again), for all the same places that I’ve already filled them out for. Calling everyone I could find to call. Still getting the same results…

Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

So, I broke down and went to Houston on Wednesday to see about joining the SIU. The unlicensed seamans union. I’ve been an applicant with the AMO (licensed officers union) since at least December and have had 1 (yes only1) possible job. That job was gone before I could even return the phone call! Since then, they don’t answer the phone, they don’t return calls, I’ve pretty much lost hope that they actually have any work.

Of course I would rather use the license I’ve spent 30+ years and $50,000+++ to earn! But if I have to sail as a deckhand, I’m perfectly willing to do that too. Anything out at sea is better than working at McDonalds or Domino’s, which seem to be the only jobs open to me on the beach. 😦

Shit! 2 college degrees and 30 years of experience to earn the highest license there is out there, and what does it get me? NOTHING! Not a damn thing!

Yeah, I’ve had it pretty good up until the last couple of years. I was able to save a few bucks. I was able to travel and enjoy life. I did really love a few of my jobs. Never really hated any of them. But after almost 2 years of unemployment and unable to find ANY work that will even come close to paying the bills, I have to say I am getting more than a little bit pissed off.

Yes. Pissed off! Frustrated. Angry. Depressed. Un-motivated. I could go on…

I try to find other things to do, to earn a few bucks. Writing/painting/photography, etc. I still haven’t sold even one item. Yeah, it’s getting very depressing. I can hardly motivate myself to work on any of that stuff. First of all, I feel like I need to concentrate on finding a ‘real’ job. So spend hours/day looking for work. By the time I’m done with that, I really don’t feel like doing anything creative. I don’t even want to look at the computer anymore, much less spend hours blogging. 😦

I keep meaning to blog more. This was meant to be a much more interactive blog. Where I could talk to people all over the world about different places and how things were there. I thought I would always have interesting sea stories and adventures from my travels to write about. But I haven’t been working in so long and so can’t afford to travel anymore, so I wonder what can I write about now?

What is interesting about my life at home? Nothing, really. I’m just another ordinary, broke and struggling American. I do have more political interest than most. I could write about that. But every time I do that, people seem to drop me like a hot potato (most not even commenting as to why).

So I’ve tried to keep the politics toned down, even tho it’s one of my main passions. I am 100% in support of freedom, for everybody, on all issues, all the time. Do whatever you want as long as you don’t hurt anybody else. That’s my motto and that’s what America was founded to promote. Too bad ‘we’ve’ decided to throw that whole ‘freedom’ thing out in the garbage pile. 😦

Oh no, I have not forgotten. We still do have our ‘freedom’ of speech. Sort of. Remember ‘political correctness’? How often are you seeing censored posts on Twitter and Facebook? I see them plenty! Yeah, we may still have a little bit of ‘freedom’ of speech, but as for the rest of the Bill of Rights, all but the 3rd Amendment have been constantly and continuously violated.

Am I the only one who’s noticed? Who cares?

Then why is no one even willing to discuss it? Even on a blog? Yeah, I’m sure plenty of people are actually self-censoring. Afraid they’ll be hauled off sooner or later for violating some trumped up anti-constitutional ‘law’ on ‘hate’ speech, or defamation or some other crap. I think I will keep on saying what I will say until the day they decide to haul me off. I’ve already self-censored myself enough (in fact, I think I’ve even lost work over what I’ve said and not said). Screw it, I’m done playing games!

I’ve worked my ass off my entire life, NOT to wind up an old bag lady, wandering the streets eating cat food. If after everything I’ve done to avoid that, working hard, saving everything I could, investing every extra dollar, starting businesses, rental properties, etc, and I’m STILL going to wind up like that? Why do I even try anymore???

My birthday is coming up again soon. I’m getting to the age where I feel like I don’t have too many more years ahead of me where I’ll be able to work or to travel. I want to LIVE those few years I have left. I don’t want to spend them in fear. Broke, afraid, trapped.

I think and think and wonder every day- HOW can I manage to do that- without having to win the lottery???

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Songs of the Sea: Dead Sea

Here’s another one for my Songs of the Sea series. The Lumineers play ‘Dead Sea’. I really love this band. They have a lot of great songs -most have nothing to do with the water. 😉

I haven’t been spending as much time as usual listening to music. My mind just hasn’t been in the right place. I listen to the radio (KPFT) when I go to work (which hasn’t been nearly enough lately). At home I just haven’t been ‘in the mood’- for music- or anything else.

I’ve been spending more time on the computer than anything else lately. The last couple of days I’ve been seeing a lot of stuff to do with ‘just do it’. Even the song. Is it the universe trying to tell me to get off my ass and just DO it?

I think it probably is.

“Dead Sea”

I stood alone, upon the platform in vain
The Puerto Ricans they were playing me salsa in the rain
With open doors and manual locks
In fast food parking lots

I headed West, I was a man on the move
New York had lied to me, I needed the truth
Oh, I need somebody, needed someone I could trust
I don’t gamble, but if I did I would bet on us

Like the Dead Sea
You told me I was like the Dead Sea
You’ll never sink when you are with me
Oh, Lord, like the Dead Sea

Whoa, I’m like the Dead Sea
[Video version:] The nicest words you ever said to me
[Album version:] The finest words you ever said to me
Honey can’t you see,
I was born to be, be your Dead Sea

You told me you were good at running away
Domestic life, it never suited you like a suitcase
You left with just the clothes on your back
You took the rest when you took the map

Yes, there are times we live for somebody else
Your father died and you decided to live
It for yourself you felt, you just felt it was time
And I’m glad, cause you with cats, that’s just not right

Like the Dead Sea
You told me I was like the Dead Sea
You’ll never sink when you are with me
Oh, Lord, I’m your Dead Sea

Whoa, I’m like the Dead Sea
The nicest words you ever said to me
Honey can’t you see
I was born to be, be your dead sea

I’ve been down, I’ve been defeated
You’re the message, I will heed it.
Would you stay,
Would you stay the night?

Dead Sea,
You told me I was like the Dead Sea
I never sink when you are with me
Oh, Lord, I’m your Dead Sea

Whoa, I’m like the Dead Sea
The nicest words you ever said to me
Honey can’t you see
I was born to be, be your Dead Sea

Motivation

Hmmm. How to get motivated when you’re not?

I just realized it’s been a few days since I posted here. It seems like the days flew by. Not that I’ve been all that busy. I haven’t been. In fact, I’ve been dragging around like a lump on a log trying to get motivated to do something.

Anything!

I was supposed to go to work last Friday. I didn’t. I finally got ahold of the guy I’ve been talking to about work yesterday and he told me that now he has ‘no idea’ when this job might really start. 😦

Since then I’ve been trying to figure out how in the hell I’m going to be able to make my finances last. I’ve been blasting through my savings and I can’t even figure out where the money is going!

Anybody have any suggestions?

Motivation

For today’s Just Jot It January topic of motivation, about all I can say about it right now is that I don’t have any!

Why not? I’m just one of those people that has to have a goal. I need to have some kind of idea in the back of my head that I’m working toward. Also, I’ve never been much of an optimist. 😦

Due to the present situation offshore, the steep drop in the price of oil and 100’s of thousands of people (including me) getting laid off, I am lost. My whole life has been totally tied to my work.

My job has given me the money to do the things I love (like traveling) and the time to enjoy them, (I only wish I had both of those things at the same time more often).

Now, with no work, and not even much prospect of any for months, if not years, I have plenty of time but no money.

My motivation is always tied to my goals. I’m having a hard time deciding what my goals should be right now. How to set my priorities. My goals right now are: somehow survive financially until work picks up and I can get back offshore, find something interesting and enjoyable enough to keep me busy in the meantime that doesn’t cost any money, make some kind of progress on moving.

They’re not too conflicting, the problem I’m having is that there is still that tiny bit of hope that a real job will come up (one that pays decent money). If it does I would most probably jump on it asap, which won’t work very well if I’m busy doing something else like taking the TEFL course or contracted to teach.

I’m not sure how to get motivated to do something when my life is in limbo and I don’t really see any good choices or possible ways to make things work out the way I’d like. I don’t like it, but I don’t know how to change it. Bummer. 😦

NaBloPoMo: It’s Over!

Whew! It’s over! I did it! I managed to do a post a day for the entire month of November! 🙂

I don’t know how many of you noticed the little square flag down towards the bottom right of my blog. It’s for the National Blog Posting Month of November. I saw a post about it on another blog and thought it would be interesting. So, I joined the challenge.

I thought it would be motivational (it was) and challenging (it was) and help me get some exposure (I’m not sure that worked out).

I think I need to go back to just doing these posts when I have the time and inclination. I didn’t really like the feeling that I HAD to get one done. So, if you don’t see anything from me for a little while, nothing’s wrong. I’m just taking a break. 😉